Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
