shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I will pee on everything he values.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
