Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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