Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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