Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
