I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
