you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
