I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
