please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
