So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
