Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
