Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
