I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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