All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
