How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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