I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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