Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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