How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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