jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
