Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
