I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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