DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
