the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
