Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
