jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
