this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hippo gnu deer
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
