she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
