my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
