So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
