i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
