she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i believe in u and ur pee
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
