apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
