Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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