Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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