I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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