I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
