I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
