i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
