there's paper in my vomit.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
