If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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