My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
