Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
