Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
