Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
