I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
