she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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