wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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