i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
