Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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