My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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