he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
