i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
