i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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